Friday, 6 January 2012

Guide to Profiles

If you are looking for good ideas for things to put in your Second Life profiles page, this ain't it!
It's a brief guide to the unoriginal stuff you find in profiles and some possible meanings:-


I love to have fun = I lack the imagination to write anything fun. Entertain me.

I'm here for the fun = I'm already fapping.

I'm far to complex to be summed up in 500 characters. If you want to know me, just IM me = There is nothing interesting about me I can fill this space with, oh god please talk to me!

SL=SL & RL=RL = I'm terrified of this stuff and if my husband ever found out he'd kill me. I feel dirty... so ashamed. It's okay, it's not real, it's just make believe. Deep breaths.

My RL is none of your business = I'm really a man.

No voice, no pics, no cam = I'm really a man.

No RP limits = I'm really a man and really desperate.

Sweet submissive girl = I'm really a man, I raided my wife's knicker draw.

Respect must be earned...yadda, yadda, yadda = I usually get walked all over and my fragile ego often causes me pain.

A true friend... yadda, yadda, yadda = I usually get walked all over and my fragile ego often causes me pain. Plus I'm really needy.

I have been in SL longer than you might think = I can't bare to think that there are people that have been doing this longer than me. You ain't better than me!

I'm being myself. If you don't like that you can fuck off = I'm an obnoxious brat who pisses everybody off.

I don't care what you think of me = I do really, but I can't help myself, I'm going to act like a cunt soon enough. It's just a matter of time.

Devoted to my partner for 4 years = When they aren't around I'm at Slut Street. They suspect I'm cheating, and is stupid enough to think that if I fill my profile full of devotion it will make me stop. Obviously I prefer my women blond.

I'm sapiosexual = All the cool kids are and I don't want to be left out.

Over 6 years experience in RP = I can't say anything in less than a paragraph. I could bore an arse-hole in a wooden horse.

Drama free zone = I cause drama.

I'm not stupid = Everybody treats me like I'm stupid... because I'm as dumb as an Southern Baptist.

I mute fools = Fools tend to outsmart me. But if I mute them then they can badmouth me all they want in local and I won't even know! Ha! Who's laughing now eh?

A woman is only truly free when at the feet of a man = I have tried everything to get laid but I'm hopeless, this BDSM stuff has got to be worth a shot. Amirite?

If you want to know about me, talk to me = I finally figured out that I was really dumb for leaving my profile blank. Maybe this will work?

I'm a bitch = Wish I was a bitch but I lack the wit.

Downloading 1st life info... 97%  = I don't have a sense of humour but assume that those who do find this funny because so many people have it in their profiles - A million people can't be wrong!

I don't bite... hard! = I don't have a sense of humour but assume that those who do find this funny because so many people have it in their profiles - A million people can't be wrong!

[Blank Profile] = It's better to let people think there is absolutely nothing interesting about me, than write something and prove it. Move along, nothing to see here.

[Poetry] = If I had any thoughts of my own, I would be unable to express them. Poetry might make me look deep, smart and cultured.

[Bible quotes] = Ain't poetry for smart folks?

[Song lyrics] = I'm too lazy to pick up a book.

[Unreadable shite made up of symbols] = If I write some... like crap yeah? And like and make it like, unreadable to grown-ups... it will be like, really awesome and shit in'it. Solid.

***

You may notice that people seldom speak at the Bondage Ranch and similar places. It's a meat market. People look at profiles to see if they can find anyone interesting. If like me, you are often there in a text browser, profiles and profile pictures are all you have to go on.

 I wrote my profile to scare away time wasters.  It is the nature of subs that they like someone dominant to make the first move, but I generally don't unless I see somebody really special. Even so, I may be approached a dozen times a day (depending on how I dress my AVI). If I have to ask to find out who and what you are, and what you want, and I'm doing this several times a day, it seriously eats into my good will.