Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Thursday, 23 February 2012

Italian seduction techniques

[16:47:15] Toni A: hi
[16:47:21] Vinny Caramel: hi
[16:47:48] Toni A: how are you
[16:48:22] Vinny Caramel: ok thanks
[16:48:40] Toni A: where are you from
[16:49:20] Vinny Caramel: England
[16:49:31] Toni A: i'm italian
[16:50:02] Vinny Caramel: i guessed that
[16:50:13] Toni A: want me
[16:50:47] Vinny Caramel: I'm not even slightly interested, thats why it says 'no Italians' in my profile.

...and it does say it in my profile. "I don't kiss men, ever. No exceptions, not even for Italians. 1♀♀% lesbica!!!"

What is it with Italians? I think it's because their Mommy tells them they are god's gift to women, and the morons actually believe it. They certainly don't put in any effort, this idiot is 547 days old, yet seems to have learned nothing. Oh well, at least this one didn't throw a tantrum when he was rejected... i guess he is used to rejection.

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Monday, 20 February 2012

Photo Sharing

It has been an interesting few days, the subject of sharing photos has come up a couple of time, not least regarding security.

While showing a few photos to somebody in world, they asked if I was scared and how could I do it?

But how can it hurt me? The photos were on a Prim, I just showed, I didn't give. She couldn't take them away and give them to anybody else. And what if she had taken a snapshot? Who is she going to give them too? Yes you could see a nipple in a few of them but so what? So all she would have is a picture of a semi-naked woman which she can tie to Vicky Caramel, an AVI... a character in a computer game. No way to tie it to the real me because I hide my identity well.

However, uploading photos to SL is not in my opinion the best way of doing things. Not the most secure. The reason being that I have heard that people have had their accounts 'hacked' and taken from them. I usually suspect that these people have been tricked out of their passwords, but you never know. It isn't that important to me, if somebody hacked and took my account I'd be more worried about all the time and money i had spent on the account than any photos, but thats because the photos don't put me at any great risk.
The risk for most would be that the husband finds the account, guesses the password, and looks through it. That could be awkward for many but not for me as my husband is aware of what I do.

So if you want to share photos, but don't want to risk your relationship, the best option would be to tell your partner and see if they are okay with it. It seems few want to even raise the question as they don't want to make the partner aware of the possibility which is understandable. So we'll move on...

If you wanted to hide a box of incriminating documents in RL, would you hide them in your coat pocket? Bury them in your garden? OR bury them out in a forrest?

Obviously, to me at least, the answer is to bury them in the forrest. But for many who don't really understand the internet, and haven't really thought about the problem, the temptation is to keep the contraband close.

Once again this week I met somebody who insisted on keeping her photos on a USB memory stick. This idea is completely insane from a security point of view.

I was going to suggest it, but she did come up with the idea on her own that she wouldn't include face shots, which is good. It would prevent a stranger from identifying her, but I'm sure her husband would recognize her body, and any family member would recognize the house the photos are taken in.

So if a family member did stumble across the memory stick, they would know it was hers, the storage space on a memory stick isn't that big, and the files are likely to be limited in number anyway, so it wouldn't take that long to search for images -- you would be caught red handed.

Worse, if you did lose the stick, anybody finding it is bound to search if for any 'naughties', I'm sure we all would wouldn't we? As it's your stick, it has your stuff on it! There may be letters and documents that have your name, maybe even your address on it. Any stranger finding your memory stick would mostly likely be able to link those photos straight back to you.

The argument for keeping photos on a memory stick is that "I share this computer with the family" and "I don't want my photos out there on the internet".

Well, a computer has a lot more storage space than a memory stick, and there are hundreds of thousands of files on there. Who goes looking through all of them? It would be much easier to hide photos on a PC or laptop and there are good ways of doing this. But I'm not going to go into it because the internet is actually a much better options.

The internet is almost infinite. It's huge! The perfect place to hide stuff. But the only way stuff can be found is through links. There are people out there paying fortunes to web companies to help them get their web pages found because it's not actually that easy! And this is 'words' we are talking about, search engines are designed to find and display web pages with words on. But as yet, photos are something search engines aren't much good at.

There are websites like Flicker which are designed to help you share photos with people you want to share them with, and hide them from people you don't want to share them with. If you tick the right boxes you can block search engines and the general public from seeing your photos, only those who you have specifically invited to see them will be able to see them.

But even if you make a mistake, click the wrong box, accidently show your photos to the world... so what? there must be a million porn pictures on Flickr alone. Yours will just be an needle in a haystack. And there must be a billion porn pictures on the internet... and lets not kid ourselves, none of us are that special that we are likely to stand out within those numbers.

And if you take extra precautions... and already mentioned, don't show your face. Or if you want to show your face, keep face and body photos in two different locations.

Set up your account using a virgin gmail account with a phony name. Have it completely unconnected to your real name and even you SL screen name. Never label any of the photos on your account, that way if they are ever accidently found by a search engine, there is nothing to tell the search spider what they are. Never use the account for anything else other than your naughty photos, and never link to any of the photos on the account.

From this point on, you just have to be careful who you share the photos with. This is where I kind of have something worked out, I am pretty confident in my security, as I said at the beginning, I can show photos in-world and then say, "how can you hurt me with this? You can't". So I am willing to take the first step and show mine first. From here on it's a case of 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine'. It becomes reciprocal (which is pretty much the point anyway, to share something intimate), so whatever they have on me, I also have on them. Whatever anybody might do with my photos, I can do the same to them.

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Steep Learnig Curve

JJ - Spanish male, clueless

[10:23:34] JJ: judge u by.....?
[10:23:37] JJ: : tell me
[10:23:38] JJ: : :)
[10:23:50] Vinny Caramel: eh?
[10:24:08] JJ: : tell me abot you
[10:24:56] JJ: : english?
[10:25:01] Vinny Caramel: Yes
[10:25:18] JJ: : what you do n sl
[10:25:47] Vinny Caramel: I have written lots on my profile and blog so that I don't have to keep explaining myself.
[10:26:02] JJ: : ok
[10:26:05] JJ: : :)
[10:26:11] JJ: : pretty straight
[10:26:47] Vinny Caramel: Nope, I'm not straight.... I'm a gay.
[10:27:39] JJ: : a gay?

[10:31:32] JJ: ok
[10:32:58] JJ: you comming for a walk


I couldn't resit!

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Real life Dolly

I'm often asked, "How do I become your sub?".

My answer is often something like, "Do something exceptional" or "Impress me" -- very few do.

Then I got this:-


Anyone who admires the female form is going to say, thats a lovely shape right? You wouldn't know it was a man just by looking.

He asked me to publish some of his photos, I said they are so good that he should publish them himself. He said he was shy and wanted me to do it so there was no going back.

So anyway, I said he should do more, he said he needed somebody to direct him.... a few IMs and a phone call later and we have ourselves the beginning of an art project!

I asked him if he could photograph himself in the women's outfits he has, he said that he didn't have much and could do with help choosing clothes on eBay. I thought, "Oh this just keeps getting better!".

When I told Vinter that he would need help choosing clothes, she made a sould like, "Ohhhhh!", and I'm sure I could hear her clapping.

When I told Zev, she said she wanted a few photos of his inner arm so she could get an idea of his skin colour, and a few full body shots so she knew what shape he was so she could recommend certain types of dress.

Not much resistance eh? Let this be a lesson to you all. If you have something to offer, you will find a Domme... or in this case, several.

Lets look at this in detail. I have always said I'd never take on a man. As far as I'm concerned I haven't. The end result of any future photos will portray a photo of a woman. It's not sexual, the moment it becomes sexual the illusion is shattered. The chap wants to be feminized so thats fine for him, and I like photography and erotic, glamour and fine art, so it's good for me.

As for the work, we expect him to do all the work. He's the one who has to go take the photos. I'll set up a blog where we can discuss ideas and do the preparatory work. I may even have to set up a Tumblr account where we post the finished photos. But actually there will be very little effort on the part of the ladies who will be directing him. (Since when has surfing eBay for clothes been effort?).

This guy sent me a whole folder full of photos he has done already. Just goes to prove he is willing to put in some effort. I envisage that as time goes on, between us all we can make a nice little collection of photos. There is nothing quite like the promise of an end result and the chance to be creative to get me excited.

Monday, 13 February 2012

Can't fool me!

If anybody has made it clear, I have made it clear... I don't take men. It's mentioned in my profile multiple times, and if you follow the links in my profile to this blog,  it mentions it several more times.

It also says that I will demand proof, that you can't fake it. And it hints at the fact that I have the skills to uncover the fakers. I don't make idle boasts, and if anything I have understated my abilities as I will demonstrate further down the page. It's a pity really, I'd love to reveal some of my methods but if I did that, the faker's could guard against them. But suffice to say that if you spend years on the web looking for sleaze, spreading sleaze, signing up for all sorts, while thinking with your dick instead of practicing basic online security, then you tend to leave clues that can be pieced together.

Anyway, after a disappointing Sunday morning, I found myself thinking to myself that if I actually had any emotions, I should really be quite upset with a couple of my girls. I had a chat with Vinter and she agreed that I should be pissed off. Sometimes I'm just a bit too patient, my interest in people conflicts with the role I have as a Domme and I'm too lenient.

Anyway, this led me deciding that with the exception of my Linn, the other pets are going to have to work hard and change their ways if they want to get in and stay in.

I was left at a loose end and decided to go to the Bondage Ranch just as something to do. No sooner had I got there that I was chatted up by a Noob thing... impossible to tell gender, orientation or anything else. At first I acted hostile, but as I had nothing else to do I decided to help a noob.

She wanted to know where she could meet other lesbians, and so I took her to a place where I know damn well all the lesbians are men. And I told 'her' with great relish that most of the lesbians are actually men, that men can't fake it because they haven't a clue how to dress, that they always use photos ripped from porn sites in their profile, which is exactly what he did.

I strung him along for a while, for an hour and a half he stalled over sending me more photos. And he went all the way to the line... at any time he could have said that he wasn't what I was looking for, couldn't prove they were a girl. I gave them plenty of chances to back out, but they kept on bluffing me in this strange game of chicken.

Eventually we got to that point, where I said, "This is the point, where the girl makes her excuses, disappears never to be seen again", but they stayed for another hour until they went for dinner... never to be seen again despite their promises.

This kind of thing happens all the time and I'd probably let it pass without mention if it were not for the fact that shortly afterwards I was contacted by another 'girl'.

This is somebody I had on my friends list... I was pretty sure they were a boy pretending to be a girl when I added them, because when it comes t friends I don't really care -- I have nothing against sissies, goys and TVs, I just don't play with them. But last night they started the dance... I am clear, I tell them what I want and need, I ask them if they can provide, they bluff me. They go all the way to the wire, promising me they can give me what I need. I don't know why they insist on doing this? Maybe they think I'm dumb enough to give them a taste without giving anything back? Maybe fooling me is a thrill in it's self?

But I could be wrong right? They could actually be girls?

So last night I put it to the test and decided to do some detective work for a couple of hours before bed. As I say, I can't reveal my methods but I will say I did nothing illegal, there was no hacking... I just used the same kind of techniques used by the authorities to track terrorists and organized criminals. Good old fashioned detective work. Here's what I found:-

The 18 year old girl who is supposed to live with her parents is actually C#### (I do know his full name) from Nottingham, he's a 51 year old divorcée, and judging by what he has been buying on eBay, he is grandfather. I also know he owns a dog. Despite saying that he doesn't like men, he's actually bi-sexual (I have seen his cream-pie photos), loves gay porn and enjoys showing photos of himself masturbating at his computer. He dislikes swinging, but likes dogging, which I find an odd contradiction. He's bald and doesn't really do it for me, but the girl he is standing next to on his Facebook photo is pretty hot.

As for my second girl, she was very careless with what she told me, and I had already surmised quite a bit of information from the lies they told me. He turns out to be S##### from Hamburg, again I know his full name, his date of birth, his general location now and where he has lived in the past. He showed me photos of a petite blond, who turns out to be a TV weather girl who was photographed in 2006 during an environmental event. In reality, S##### is divorced with children, a greying, well built, 6'6" 54 year old who likes Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

I must stress that these guys did paste their identities all over the web with no attempt to hide... in fact quite the opposite. They were advertising themselves quite openly as men looking for sex on dating sites and BDSM sites. It's only when they decide to pretend to be girls that this is a liability for them.

It is against Linden's Terms and Conditions to reveal people's identities,  I wouldn't do it anyway, if they want to pretend to be girls, good luck to them. But they will need more than luck if they are going to get past me.

Which brings me back to being too lenient with some of my girls... no Mr(s) Nice Guy. From now on, they can chase me, they have to 'put-out' and nobody gets a foot in the door without verification, and now you know why. If I can do it, any girl can do it, only men will struggle with a simple cleavage shot with a screen name written with an eyebrow pencil.

Boobies are the difference between trust and faith.

Saturday, 11 February 2012


The word 'superior' came up the other day.

It makes me feel uncomfortable. To me a D/s relationship is kind of like a nut and bolt. Is a bolt superior to a nut? One may be on top, one may be positive while the other is passive, but one is nothing without the other.

Superior can mean higher in rank without necessarily meaning 'better'. But generally it means 'better' and even though the girl who brought up the subject would like somebody who is better than her... I really don't want to have a 'superior' view of myself.

Yes, thats right! Another meaning of superior, as in 'having a superior attitude' or 'acting superior' - is somebody who has an over inflated opinion of them self.

...because you know it, people who think they are 'all that', usually aren't all that.

Darwin noticed this phenomenon, he said, "Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge". Bertrand Russell said, "One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision"

And in 1999 a couple of fellas named David Dunning and Justin Kruger wrote a paper having studied it. The  phenomenon is now known as the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

In my words it goes something like this. Stupid or ignorant people are too stupid and ignorant to judge their own competence.  They fail to see their own incompetence and overestimate their abilities, underestimating the abilities of others. (To a lesser degree the reverse is also true that competent people underestimate their own abilities and overestimate the abilities of others.)

Anyway, here is a video which explains it better than I have:-


I think this has a baring on this whole business of Dum-doms, as discussed by Swan,  Lurve, myself and many others. As mentioned at the end of the video, social feedback may or may not work -- but when nobody seems able to speak out or criticize, the incompetent are acting in a vacuum free of direct feedback. And yet as Swan mentioned, some of these people are the ones shouting the loudest... telling us all how it's done. It does of course apply to tops,  bottoms, subs and Dominants. But lets stick with Dum-doms for now.

There seems to be some interesting side effects of the Dunning-Kruger Effect, one of which is that because these people think they already have the skills they need, they are reluctant to learn more. They may also externalize, making excuses for their failures, because they will obviously fail.... hard.

Those that keep posting in group chat, over and over... most of us must look at them and think that they say nothing of interest, their profiles contain nothing of interest, and the fact that they keep on keeping on indicates they aren't finding that special somebody with this method. I was told that one guy who posts virtually every day in no less that 9 groups that I belong to, has posted virtually the same thing every day for about three years! I suspect that he has put more effort into ineffective marketing than he has into being a Dom during this time.

Now when you think of all the complete idiots you have run across, ask yourself, what Nationality were they?

Mostly American right? Well thats no surprise as there are a high percentage of Americans here abouts.
And Italians? I say in my profile I'm not interested in Italians, and I have seen at least three subs who say much the same, and I am reliably informed that in the gay BDSM scene Italian Doms are a running joke.

Actually, was I too quick to excuse the Americans? There are a lot of them, but there are large numbers of Germans too and I haven't had a problem with Germans ever. And there are a lot of British too, a lot of them are complete knobs, but that doesn't make them the Dum-doms we are talking about.

We all know there is a cultural element to this don't we? I can't be the only one who has noticed?

So what do studies into the Dunning-Kruger effect say about this? The initial tests were done in America, but when taken to Europe and Asia, the effect was much less pronounced. It seems that people from the U.S.A. are much more prone to the Dunning-Kruger effect than people from other cultures.

My own pet theory is that the American culture fosters this because it teaches that, 'Yes you can', 'Nobody is better than you', and encourages confidence, celebrates success and puts less importance on modesty.

So what the fuck happened to the Italians? Maybe it's because Italian males all seem to think they are god's gift? Like Americans, they believe their own hype. This isn't just a personal opinion of mine... parts of Italy are in real trouble due to depopulation, the reason being is that Italian men are so misogynistic,  so 1950s in their expectations of the family unit, that even Italian women aren't interested in them.

If I were to pick a third nation that produces Dum-doms, I would have a tough time choosing between Spain and Portugal -- where incidentally the words 'Machismo' and 'Bravado' originate. Which I believe is a clue. These words were once positive, but in this day and age the former is now very much associated with misogyny, and the later had come to mean pretense. Yet I think I'm right in saying that the afore mentioned countries place a high value on a rather dated concept of machismo.

Another interesting thing; I had a conversation not so long ago about American girls who I have know who told me they were victims of domestic violence. I mentioned to an American friend that there seems to be certain areas where it seemed almost normal. When I listed the States where these girls were from, he said, "Thats really no  surprise, you do realize you just drew a line straight across the bible belt?". So it's interesting that Italy, Spain and Portugal are among the most religious countries in Europe. This isn't directly related to the issue at hand, but it is interesting that the Dunning-Kruger Effect is probably most often mentioned in regard to educated people trying to discuss or debate matters of science, history or philosophy with those trying to promote a biblical world view.

In a previous post I put a video which essentially said that, 'God always agrees with you because your god is your ego'. There are interesting implications when you put the two theories together, thats an amplifying effect if ever there was one.

...not that I am blaming Dum-doms on religion. But it must be said... when you start looking at kinks and perversions that either cross the line of common decency by a running jump, or in some way evade sexual responsibility (i.e. rape fantasy) or act a surrogate for sex (i.e. vampireism), it is amazing how many of the people who are into it come from a religious background which is far from liberal.

I formed the theory that this is because religion draws a line at masturbation, which is a line pretty much everybody will cross. When you cross that line, and you face eternal damnation, where do you draw a new line? As the punishment can't actually get any worse, why bother? Why not keep chasing the thrill of offending god? And if as a bonus the act of depravity helps you overcome the guilt that religion lumbers you with... bring on the goat!

Friday, 10 February 2012


Religion in the news

This could be a well researched article... with lot of links and shit... but actually it gets on my thrupenny bits so much that I can't be bothered.

Anyway, the news is that in a high court decision it has been ruled that local councils aren't allowed to say prayers as part of meetings.

Despite a new law being rushed through which will make it legal, (a law the bishops probably get to vote on) of course various pervy old men if frocks who's opinions really shouldn't be taken seriously because they believe in ghosts, jumped up and down and made a lot of noise about a war on religion.... well yeah, there is because it's shit and we should grow out of it already!

Lord Pickles was quoted as saying, "This is still a Christian country". Well the latest British Social Attitudes Survey would disagree, those identifying as Christian are now a minority (43%), and church attendance figures mean... well the Church of England is already selling off the silver.

But unfortunately, a large part is  Protestant  Christian...  which pisses of some Catholics so much that hundreds of years on, they are still killing people for some reason.

So in other news some moron was convicted of murdering two soldiers on behalf of the IRA, and some other off shoot murdered a man in front of his family last night.

The Christian couple who owned a bed and breakfast and refused to let homosexuals share a double bed lost their right to appeal the court's decision that they were nutters.

Apparently you are only allowed to get away with abusing homosexuals in the street, not in the workplace. A preacher was cleared of verbally abusing two gay men .

In other news, some of those ethnic religious loonies that brought their brand of Christianity back from Africa are in the dock for murdering a boy who they thought was a witch, proving that it is religious idiocy and not the Middle Ages that causes this kind of nonsense.

And just to prove it isn't only Christians who are who do stupid shit in the name of a god, some Muslims were convicted of handing out leaflets saying that homosexuals should be killed.

So this little lot was all in one radio new bulletin. Oh the irony! Religions bringing us peace and love! If gawd forbid we were to become a secular country, we would descend into immorality, and rape and murder and shit, just like Sweden and Denmark!

[EDIT] I should mention that yesterday's news continued the Church of England's split over the issue of women Bishops... I just wanted to show that it's not just homosexuals, witches, atheists and people of other denominations  they are against, in the interest of balance it should be noted that continue with their bigotry against women too.

Oh, have an insightful video:-  

Thursday, 9 February 2012

I'm a hater

Yes I'm a hater and proud of it. Given the choice, 'hater' is not the word I would use, but it's the label given out by those hippy types who believe that you should mind your own business and 'live and let live'.

Worse still, these  fuzzy-thinking, bed-wetters seem to hold the view that because every arse hole is entitled to an opinion, all opinions are equally valid.

It's this whole business of 'teaching both sides of the controversy' when there is no controversy, and the bat-shit rantings of a loony in a tin-foil hat are given equal credence as the expert opinions of a climatologist or an evolutionary biologist. It's becoming a problem the world over.

Everybody is entitled to an opinion, and they are entitled to their freedom of speech, and the rest of us are entitled to call them on their bullshit. Do you remember the story of the Emperor's new clothes? You wouldn't if the little boy had kept his mouth shut for fear of being called a 'hater', just like all the other bozos.

One of the reasons I have a dominant and assertive personality is that I have principles and strong core values from which I could never be moved apart from by critical thought. I also give a fuck about what I see going on around me. So there is no way I'm going to be silenced by an Internet meme.


I read something interesting the other day, something like, "Go to a mush, get involved with your local BDSM community, they tend not to tolerate the idiots and they get weeded out very quickly". Of course, because they are a community, unlike what we find on the internet where they culture is to do your own thing and don't mind other people's business.

Weeding out idiots, the criminal, the dangerous and those that don't share their values, is what communities do.

Any 'D' who has been at this a while must have noticed that a fair number of subs are vulnerable. You'll find subs that are taking medication for depression/anxiety, many that have been in abusive relationships (physical or emotional). There are those that have suffered sexual abuse as adults or children. I have even run across those that struggle with substance abuse. And just as in any group of people, there are a few who are just naive and easily lead into trouble. And many will readily confess they have little confidence and low self esteem.
I can't even begin to guess what sort of percentage of subs/bottoms could be classed as vulnerable -- maybe I attract them but in my experience it is almost half, and friends also inform me that's it's not uncommon.

Personally I'm not the type to get too upset over stuff that happens on the Internet, let alone in role-play, but I know many are. For me, I suppose, it's live-and-learn, school of hard knocks.

...but what about when a dum-dom wants to take things into real life? Do you stand by and say nothing? Apparently most people do.

Suppose you see somebody who starts their profile by saying they are an asshole or evil, ends by telling you they aren't stupid, and in-between seems to do everything in their ability to prove that they ARE stupid and know nothing of D/s... what do you do?

It's not really cause for drastic action, they are probably just a harmless idiot right?

But what if their profile shows they have a preoccupation with bestiality, or hints at age-play, and they are openly looking for financial domination and blackmail?

If you can't see there is a recipe for disaster here... you may have a seriously self destructive streak. I lose count of the times I have said in my head, "What the fuck were you thinking?".

The credo is 'Safe, Sane and Consensual', and when we talk about consent, we of course mean 'informed consent'. You can't give your consent unless you are fully informed about what you are getting into -- due diligence is required. If I ask questions I'm just helping with that. Sane is often taken to mean knowing the difference between fantasy and reality, so I tend to pick on people who are asking for RL interaction yet seem to have both feet on a cloud. But lets not rule out that some people are insane or dangerously insane. And I tend to pick up on people who want to engage in activities which by their very nature are unsafe. And lets not kid ourselves, some paraphilias are clear indicators that a person isn't that interested in consent.

In good conscience, would you really recommend to a sub that they willingly allowed them self to be blackmailed by somebody who doesn't know the difference between punctuation and punctuality? Who is interested in bestiality and rape fantasy, and who fills their profile full of paranoid rantings and threats.

Every now and again, I can't hold my tongue and just have to challenge somebody who posts in a group, usually I challenge them on something in their profile. I don't want to get into a slagging match, as it's not productive. But I will ask questions, let the target speak and with their own words show what fools they are. Often I can only respond with contempt wrapped in sarcasm. When I see 3-4 red flags in one profile, is it so wrong to draw attention to it?

Last time I did this, can you guess what happened? A Domme jumped in with the live-and-let-live defense and a shit-load of excuses, a Dom decided to turn into as pissing contest between him and me, and several subs also chipped in with abuse directed at me, one attempting to spam/troll/grief me in the most childish manner via IMs.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not upset that 4-5 people would gang up on me, I love a good fight and you better believe I held my own. And I'm not upset that people would call me on what's written in my profile or what I say in chat -- I welcome it. It makes me look good because I am an expert at being me, but I don't pretend to be an expert D/s, BDSM or even being a Domme*. And I don't want to be the policeman of the BDSM community, nor am I  trying to be. The community should be self policing.

This really isn't about me, in fact I know I'm not alone in my thoughts. I know a few good people who feel the same way, and I have run across several people who have been jumped on when they express their opinions publicly.

I don't believe you need to be an expert to act like a good citizen. I also believe you should stand up for  what you know is right, and stand up and be counted when it comes to protecting your community and the people in it.

What upsets me is that people would be so stupid as to think that keeping the peace and stomping out drama takes precedent over all else.

In the example I cited above, sure one Dom obviously wanted to score points off me for his own aggrandizement, he also scored points off the person I was targeting. But all the others jumped in with the intent to silence me. To label me a 'hater' and trouble maker. Keeping in mind I entered into this with caution, asking questions (albeit sarcastic questions) and not outright accusations statements of fact, which frankly, I feel would have been justified. I am certain such an approach would have been met with even greater hostility.

I'm not asking for a crusade. But as there seem to have been a number of groups that have sprung up that have discussion meetings, I do hope this whole topic will become the subject of a discussion.


I just remembered...

On a couple of occasions I have taken issue with people which has led to an exchange in local chat. In one example I can think of I was dealing with somebody who had a very real contempt for women; not just common sexism, but something bordering on hatred.

I was told by a couple of people to take it to IMs. That they saw no reason why I couldn't have my fight privately and spare everyone the drama.

I guess this is the 'secrecy' that Swan mentions in one of her recent posts.

When I see a red flag, a clear warning sign, I feel I should make sure everybody else sees it too and is aware of the danger. There is no way I'm going to take it to IMs and help these arseholes to hide their warning flags. Because thats their modus operandi and exactly how they want it.

If they had wanted everybody to know, they would have insulted and attacked me in local in the first place. But they know their behavior is anti-social and damn-right wrong in any context, but they think they can get away with it because it is kept private. And yes, we are talking about men who have sent me unsolicited messages designed to insult, belittle, harass and bully.

Bullies are fairly easy to deal with, they are by their very nature weak and pathetic. It's the self righteous twats, who think they are doing us all a favour by keeping the peace... the kind of people who cry 'Hater' or say, "Take it to IMs" who are the ones who have caused parts of SL to descend into a cesspool.

* Disclaimer - I do not presume to educate people about BDSM, D/s, Roleplay, sexual health or anything else! I don't have nearly enough experience to speak with any authority on these matters. I am quite happy to allow people to do what they want to do, content with the fact that often I just don't get it.
However I do have plenty of life experience and I can recognize 'mad, bad and/or sad' when I see it. This is what I tend to call people on.
I am fairly certain that other people who have touched on this subject feel that if they were able to speak freely, they could educate -- I have no objection to that and would welcome it regarding matters on which there were consensus, and which prompted debate. I think it would be great...

...but right now I want to head off any accusations of, "Who the fuck are you to tell us how it should be done?". I don't lecture anybody how it should be done, but you should be prepared to justify what you do... or not. If you aren't prepared to answer questions from me, then maybe you should go and ask them of yourself.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Pick-up Artist

[12:09:26] HH: hello Vicky?
[12:09:50] HH: do you like smoking?
[12:09:51] Vinny Caramel: Hello
[12:10:06] Vinny Caramel: Yes, thats why i do it.
[12:10:26] HH: but the nicotine taste bad
[12:10:44] HH: like kissing an ashtray
[12:11:06] Vinny Caramel: Well.... don't worry, you won't be kissing me.
[12:11:19] HH: yes but others might
[12:11:38] HH: and you have to pay sin taxes
[12:11:58] HH: taxes you won't have to pay if you quit today
[12:12:09] HH: I am a poet
[12:12:17] Vinny Caramel: No such thing as 'sin', it's a religious concept. Religion is for morons.
[12:12:21] HH: you would never know it
[12:13:07] Vinny Caramel: As you have seen fit to give me a lecture on smoking, how about i give you a lecture on religion?
[12:13:07] HH: that.s pretty good
[12:13:41] HH: outspoken and direct
[12:14:34] HH: you don't have to teach me religeon, our ministyer did that already
[12:15:09] HH: used me as a weathervane as i only then go to church on a rainy day
[12:15:56] HH: sorry for the typos
[12:16:13] HH: I still type with 2 fingers only
[12:16:26] HH: you must use all 12?
[12:16:50] Vinny Caramel: Thats an insult?
[12:17:21] HH: no insult intended
[12:18:07] HH: I just want ed to save you from lung cancer
[12:18:31] HH: and wrinkles
[12:19:15] Vinny Caramel: So you accuse me of being a sinner and a mutant? You really are a charmless nerk aren't you?
[12:20:34] HH: I am just trying to save your life no shame in that
[12:21:06] Vinny Caramel: If I were you, I'd worry about getting your own life
[12:21:16] HH: don't know what a nerk is...have to google
[12:22:04] Vinny Caramel: http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/nerk
[12:22:36] HH: thanks you are so helpful
[12:24:30] HH: that does not fit, I am the greatest with one foot in my mouth

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Mood music

Trying to put together a playlist for home to create a mood, an atmosphere.

I took an early decision to only include girls, and I tried to go for moody, sexy, assertive, positive... not so easy! I tried to grab some 1950's glamour, but strayed into the early 70s, but I hope i managed to stay away from anything too pop, cheesy or bubblegum. It should be good as inoffensive background music, or for listening.

A work in progress.

Wynona Carr
Ann Cole
Baby Washington
Barbara Lewis
Barbara McNair
Bertha Tillman
Betty Everett
Damita Jo
Betty Harris
Betty Lavette
Big Maybelle
Chris Clark
Cookie Jackson
Dee Dee Sharp
Dee Dee Warwick
Dinah Washington
Doris Troy
Esther Phillips
Etta James
Gladys Knight
Gloria Lynne
Helene Smith
Irma Thomas
Jackie Ross
Jean Knight
Judy Clay
Ketty Lester
Laura Lee
Lavern Baker
Mabel John
Marva Whitney
Maxine Brown
Wendy Rene
Mitty Collier
Timi Yuro
Vicki Anderson

Friday, 3 February 2012

Let the courts decide

I claim France in the name of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

I fully expect Argentina to back my claim at the UN, as they seem to think that the following are legitimate grounds for a claim of sovereignty.

A. We went there once.
B. It's not very far away.
As for the Falkland Islands, there is nothing to negotiate...  but this can be settled at the International Court. The United Kingdom is more than happy to meet Argentina there to see if the afore mentioned grounds for their claim trump the Falkland Islander's right to self determination.

I wish I could claim credit for the idea of settling this in court, but the idea was first put forward by H.M. Government in the 1960s* and as far as I know it is an option that remains open. Alas, Argentina has always ignored this means of settling the matter once and for all.

Correction : This solution was put forward during negotiations in 1940s, 1950s, 1960s, 1970s... until they invaded in 1982.


Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Definition of insanity

I'm told, that doing the same thing again and again, and expecting different results, is the very definition of insanity.

So to keep copy/pasting the same thing into multiple group chats, again and again, day after day, week after week...

If it were ever going to work, it would have worked by now and you would be up to your armpits in Dom/mes/subs/cash. The fact that you aren't is proof that your advert doesn't work. And now after having seen it 30 times, it also proves that you are unoriginal, lack imagination, lazy, and not very smart.

You are also being annoying.

To Keyra

I really hope I see you at the weekend babe. But don't worry if not. You know where to find me.

Slow and easy is my style.

Ann Cole ~ Easy Easy Baby