Toy box

A pervertable is any household object that you can pervert to enhance your kinky pleasures. There are four main advantages to collecting pervertables over sex toys, firstly they are usually cheaper, they are easier to obtain, and they are easier to explain if you are caught with them in your handbag!

But the biggest bonus is the effect they have on your mind. If you start collecting pervertables, suddenly you will discover you are looking at the world through new eyes. In every shop you enter, you will be hunting for saucy toys, object that you never even noticed before could potentially become a source of enormous pleasure, you will use your imagination, anticipation, you will be in the right frame of mind.

Here are some suggestions along with essentials.

Nail file and cigarette lighter - Don't panic! Remember, pervertables aren't designed with masturbation in mind, the quality of manufacture might not be up to par. Check all new items for rough or sharp edges, especially if it is likely to be used for insertion. Molding marks and seams can be filed down with a fine nail file, and a lighter can be used to flame-polish the plastic smooth again.

Gloves - A range of gloves can be fun (or not). Put a barrier between your hands and your bits. Rubber washing up gloves are obvious, but how about wool, or those exfoliation gloves or potato peeling gloves? Because if i say no touching, I mean it!

Pegs and Clips - Clothes pegs are easy to find, but not all the same. Some are pretty harsh, others not, some are light, some are heavy. Keep in mind that they can be made heavier with fishing weights. Try stationary departments for bulldog clips and similar items. It's nice to have a selection.

Tape - Get a selection of tape. Normal sticky tape can be fun, but surgical tape is often better for use on your bits. Electrical tape can be harsh and rather messy but it does have it's uses it's very strong and waterproof, so it is great for waterproofing an improvised diaper, or securely attaching a vibrator to a stick. Don't forget cling-film either. But before you go frog tyeing yourself up in front of the computer, have a good pair of scissors close to hand.

Plastic sheeting - Bin liners can be cut to provide plastic sheeting to cover a floor, furniture or you. A cheap shower curtain would work too. You can use old sheets, towels and news paper to protect your floor and furniture during sploshing sessions, but if you are going to do pee-play, plastic is best... and some people just like the feel of plastic! Speaking of pee play, get a cheap bucket, a funnel, length of hose, turkey baster... use your imagination.

Feather - Teasing is essential. Look for items which are just frustratingly useless for masturbation. A four inch paint brush, a pastry brush, a radiator brush is good because it has a very long handle. Items that are bendy and don't allow you to apply to much pressure, preferably with a long handle so you are very much hands-off. Feather dusters can be fun, but then again, so can a vacuum cleaner.

Balls - look for items you can sit on or rub up against when you aren't allowed to touch. A small ball can be placed on your chair or floor. Heavy beads can be taped to a table or chair, and don't overlook vibrating children's toys.

Wooden spoon - if you like your spankables, there are no end of possibilities, from tea spoons to spatulas, rulers to fly swatters.

Cosmetic and Vanity - I'm sure I don't have to list the many uses of a hair brush, but washed mascara brushes have their uses too. Cheap heavy make-up is good for dramatic effect, and lipstick can be used for writing my name. Don't forget your make-up removal kit, and baby wipes are useful to keep in your bag, car or next to the computer. And while in the chemist, see if they do a TENS machine.

Crafts - Dry-wipe pens and body paint can be very useful for branding and marking, as can post-it notes. Elastic bands, string, yarn and bungees also have their uses. A craft shop is a great source of different shapes and textures.

Suitable for Vegetarians. 
Foods - Although not particularly stimulating, playing with jelly and cream can be very naughty, especially if cold. And the uses of carrots and bananas goes without saying. Don't forget that vegetables can be cut into interesting shapes. If you are into that sort of thing, I hear that ginger and other spices can be rather interesting.

Collar - And why not? They are easily available from any pet shop, you don't have to wear it all the time, but putting it on while in front of the computer, signals the start and could get you in the right frame of mind. Also see what they have in the way of chew toys and kitty toys.

Sex toys - I have to mention vibrators, dildos etc. Because they are pretty easy to get now thanks to the Internet, and apart from the fact they are actually designed for purpose of giving you pleasure, they are also designed not to cause you any damage! Don't take silly risks with pervertables, it's far better to spend a little extra on a but plug than to be in an emergency room trying to explain why you have a gherkin up your arse.